Reverted to manual writing these past few weeks. Ang problema lang ay kapag encoding na, hindi ko na mabasa ang sinulat ko. :'( And as usual, binabaha na naman ako ng insecurities and frustrations.
I'm mostly half-depressed, half-insane when I'm writing. Myself is always not cooperating. The people around me don't care what I'm doing. They don't take me seriously and they constantly encourage me to stop writing. But that's all my fault. Who'd want a bum in their house, anyway? I have to admit that sitting somewhere and scratching on paper or staring in space may seem to some as doing nothing. It makes one think of what things they could make you do just so you won't look like you're having a good time just sitting there.
Only I'm not "having a good time" just sitting there.
Well, I do enjoy thinking out what happens next to my stories. I try my best to concentrate, to capture the best scenes and dialogues for that story. And in the middle of all that noise and distraction, I'd be lucky if I can finish a scene in my mind. And then I would have to recapture those ideas on paper, which requires some more desperate scratching and intense concentration while simultaneously uttering a prayer that everyone just leave me alone when I'm not starting a conversation with them.
I'm months past the deadline I set myself. Thank goodness that at least the publisher was lenient on us and understood our circumstances. Still, I want to write faster and better. And yeah, I know blogging won't add up words on my manuscripts. I just gave myself a little break, that's all. Too bad I can't drink coffee. Mixed with stress, it'll just give me heartburn.
Well, off to writing again. Even while wrestling tons of doubts and fears, I still go forward. It's all I can do.
Good morning. :)
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