Non-Coffee Break

Reverted to manual writing these past few weeks. Ang problema lang ay kapag encoding na, hindi ko na mabasa ang sinulat ko. :'( And as usual, binabaha na naman ako ng insecurities and frustrations. 

I'm mostly half-depressed, half-insane when I'm writing. Myself is always not cooperating. The people around me don't care what I'm doing. They don't take me seriously and they constantly encourage me to stop writing. But that's all my fault. Who'd want a bum in their house, anyway? I have to admit that sitting somewhere and scratching on paper or staring in space may seem to some as doing nothing. It makes one think of what things they could make you do just so you won't look like you're having a good time just sitting there.

Only I'm not "having a good time" just sitting there.

Well, I do enjoy thinking out what happens next to my stories. I try my best to concentrate, to capture the best scenes and dialogues for that story. And in the middle of all that noise and distraction, I'd be lucky if I can finish a scene in my mind. And then I would have to recapture those ideas on paper, which requires some more desperate scratching and intense concentration while simultaneously uttering a prayer that everyone just leave me alone when I'm not starting a conversation with them.

I'm months past the deadline I set myself. Thank goodness that at least the publisher was lenient on us and understood our circumstances. Still, I want to write faster and better. And yeah, I know blogging won't add up words on my manuscripts. I just gave myself a little break, that's all. Too bad I can't drink coffee. Mixed with stress, it'll just give me heartburn. 

Well, off to writing again. Even while wrestling tons of doubts and fears, I still go forward. It's all I can do.

Good morning. :)

My FIFTY Cents on CROSSFIRE

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a hate post for Crossfire. I don't like hating things, since I believe that only a thin line separates hating and loving. Sayang lang ang energy at time kung magpapadala sa uso. Pero matagal ko na kasi itong kinikimkim, at dahil sa halos puro tungkol sa Crossfire series ang laman ng FB news feed ko nitong nakaraan, hindi ko na napigilan. I will share my thoughts upon reading Bared to You for the first time:

I've read Bared to You out of curiosity at dahil na rin sa trail na iniwan ng Fifty Shades of Grey. And imagine my shock and amusement when I found striking similarities sa parehong book 1 ng dalawang series. As in naiba lang ang setting, character names, and other details... but it was like reading Fifty Shades all over again! I mean, what the hell? I haven't experienced so much deja vus in one book. To think na matagal-tagal na rin noong nabasa ko ang Fifty. Really gave me goosebumps.

I don't know if it's just me or if anybody noticed that. Or if it's possible to do something so similar with another book. It will be a cunning and ruthless move for Ms. Day or her publisher and an insult to intelligent readers, but... okay. I still give her the benefit of the doubt. Pakiramdam ko lang kasi na-tanso ako. :(

I agree na mas maayos ang pagkakagawa sa BtY kaysa sa FSoG. Sa track record pa lang ni Sylvia Day, wala na akong masasabi. But I was sort of turned off kaya hindi ko pa itinutuloy (yeah, I might, just to see if I get deja vus again) ang Crossfire series (sh*t, I'm starting to sound like PHR "reviewers/critics" XD1). 

Ako lang ba talaga o may nakapansin ng phenomenon na ito? If ako lang then alam kong kailangan ko nang bumalik sa 8:00 orange juice dahil nagha-hallucinate na ako sa tongue. Pero kung hindi, nakakalungkot ang mga pangyayari. :(

Iyon lang. Curious lang.

1   NOTE: Don't get me wrong, ha. I've said that I like having reviewers/commentators for Tagalog romance, if only to help writers up their game. :)

Novel 2

Second novel released. ☺

A Love That Will Last
By Olivette

“I will take you as you are, Sin, fears and all.”

Ilang taon ang lumipas nang muling dumating sa buhay ni Sindy si Tanner. He was the man who saved her and gave her strength to fight her most formidable fears. Binigyan din siya nito ng lakas para hindi siya bumitiw sa larangang kinabibilangan at minahal niya—ang musika.
Ngayong kasama uli niya ito, aminado siyang nahuhulog na ang loob niya rito. Ganoon na lang ang kasiyahan niya nang sabihin nitong matagal na siyang minamahal nito.
Ngunit kailangan niyang umalis upang harapin ang nakaraang pilit niyang tinatakasan…

 ***

Hindi ko na gustong alalahanin kung paano ko naipanganak ang mga nobela ko. Basta lumabas na sila, masaya na ako.Bahala na ang mga mambabasa kung ano ang gagawin nila sa mga kuwentong nilikha ko. I'm not even getting depressed over people who didn't like what I've written. I could still write a thousand (weh?) books and one of them would definitely turn that hater into a fan (if my books hadn't grown on them already). Sabi nga sa favorite convo ko:

UKE: I'm not a homo.

SEME: Not for long.

Sh*t. Kinilig na naman ako. LOL. Same analogy for initial haters, I think. 

Anyway, nakaka-uta rin minsan na puro papuri ang maririnig tungkol sa libro mo. Hindi yata healthy `yon. Kaya sana dumami pa ang mga reviewers/critics na may blogs focusing on Tagalog romance novels. I'll also take this opportunity to thank those who reviewed my books. Hindi pa lang ako nakakakita ng review ng first book ko (nagpaparinig?).

This second book was probably the highest hurdle of my writing career (naks). Naka-tsamba lang ba ako sa una o talagang may kakayahan akong magsulat ng nobela? Ang libro na ito ang patunay ng kung ano man ang gusto kong patunayan sa sarili ko. Basta. I've left most of my fears behind because of this book. 

Na-mention ko nang ang inspirasyon sa Death Hellions ay ang banda ni Sawako-sensei sa K-ON!, ang Death Devil. Pili lang din ang metal songs na pinapakinggan ko, ang mga legend tulad ng The Trooper ng Iron Maiden ay nito ko lang napakinggan at na-appreciate. Hindi din naman ako nag-i-stick sa isang genre lang ng music. Though ang genre yata ni Justin Bieber ay hindi ko masyadong nagagawian (no worries, I've made my peace with him).

Hmm... What else can I say about this book? I really like the cover and the color and the caption—all thanks to the PHR staff. Madami akong sablay, pero helpful sila at accommodating palagi. Sana lang ang mga nagsa-submit ng manuscripts ay mag-extend ng parehong courtesy sa kanila. They are working hard (maybe harder) just like us.

Regarding the stories of the other Death Hellions members, as long as the Universe is good to me, I'll write them. I am writing them, actually. They're in bits and pieces. Kung puwede lang buksan ang bungo ko at itaktak lahat ng ideas, tapos magiging written words na agad ang katas ng utak ko sa papel, ginawa ko na. Kahit pa sabi ng PE instructor ko noong college na pang-baseball daw ang braso ko, parang bibigay na ang balikat ko sa pagsusulat pa lang. Pero wala, eh. Parang pinagsamang droga at pag-ibig ang high ng writing.

May mga pumuna sa mga kids sa mga nobela ko. Para daw silang si Ryzza Mae Dizon. Hahaha. Eh, ganoon na yata talaga kabibo ang mga bata ngayon. Mga pamangkin ko ang basehan sa mga batang characters at sa totoo lang ay ganoon talaga sila. Lalo na kapag pinag-aral mo sa private school, ay nako. Magkaka-hemorrhage ka palagi kapag may convo kayo.

So, what's next? Torque's story. Medyo ambisyosang attempt ito na paghaluin ang romance at action. Iyon talaga ang genre na target ko noon pa man. Kapag nagbabasa kasi ako, gusto ko `yong mga kontrabidang gahibla na lang ay mapapatay na ang bida. Intense, `di ba? Ironically, hindi ganoon ang first two books ko. But I'm open to all kinds of sub-genres in romance. As long as it's challenging (no, don't challenge me). 

Thank you, as always, sa mga sumusuporta sa akin. Hindi lang ako masyadong ma-chika tungkol sa mga libro ko o sa mga characters, but knowing you've read them (especially, bought them) warms my heart and keeps me going.

See you in the next book... Simone's story, perhaps? What does a lead guitarist do with her life when she isn't rocking the stage with her leads?Hmm...


Yours Truly,
Olivette

Storyteller's Box: The Evils of Storytelling Unleashed

Wherever this... this thing——writing, storytelling, or contemplating——that I do come from, from talent or plain stubbornness, it's definitely taking more from me than what I bargained for. Not that I don't have any idea of what I'm really getting into in the first place, but the longer I write, the more this job turns... insane. 

Am I really a writer? Would I still be sitting in this wooden chair if I have enough money to live everyday in comfort? (Will Internet access become free of charge and eating sweets free of guilt?)

I dread to think of how many more times I would ask myself "Am I really a writer?". How far can I go? Will my books turn into hit movies someday?

"If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death."

-Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles 

Yes, okay, I hear you, man. And thanks to this book, I've been sitting in front of the computer, every single agitation-and-depression-filled-day, writing or not (except when thunder and lightning are all over the place).

But I find myself writing more nowadays, so I guess I should stop complaining and get back to my manuscript... But, hell, NO.

Not until I rant about what writing has done to ME.

Novel 1

First novel released. ☺

Ready To Love Again

By: Olivette

“Love is when you are extremely aware of that person’s presence. You see the world through his eyes. You long to have a connection with him. You want to know almost everything about him.”

In love si Celine sa kababata niyang si Thunder pero ang lalaki ay in love naman kay Maureen na girlfriend ng kapatid nito. Nang malaman niya iyon ay nakaramdam siya ng awa rito. Pero dahil engaged na si Maureen sa kuya ni Thunder, naisip niyang tulungan na lang si Thunder na makalimutan ang nararamdaman nito sa babae. Mukha namang nagtatagumpay siya. Kaya nang isang gabing sabihin nito na mahal siya nito, hindi siya nagduda. After all, ikakasal na si Maureen sa kapatid nito.
Ngunit isang trahedya ang naganap. Naaksidente ang kapatid ni Thunder sa araw ng kasal nito at ni Maureen. Labis na nagdalamhati si Maureen at si Thunder ang dumamay rito. Hanggang namalayan niyang unti-unting nawawala si Thunder sa kanya.
Sa nakikita niya, mukhang may pag-asa na si Thunder kay Maureen. Pero paano siya at ang puso niya na nagsimula nang umasa?

***

Hindi talaga ito ang first book na pinapangarap kong ma-published ng PHR. Ito `yong sequel, eh. Kaso na-reject iyong isa dahil bordering on homosexuality `yong hero. LOL. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa nababalikan. That was supposed to be Toulouse's story, ang friend ni Thunder. Pero ginagawa ko pa lang ang nobela na `yon ay tumatak na sa isip ko ang conflict ng story ni Thunder. Isa ito sa mga stories na masasabi kong galing talaga sa isang kidlat ng inspirasyon.

Palaging may issues ang readers sa mga kakaibang pangalan ng hero o heroine. Bakit Thunder? Who the heck would name their kid that without inspiring a rally from their relatives or friends? But others did worse, so... *shrugs*

"Thunder" kasi, iyong song ni Faith Hill na Piece of My Heart (originally by Janis Joplin), noong pinakinggan ko iyong medyo slow at diva version niya, ang pagkakarinig ko sa first word ay 'thunder'. But it's actually "Didn't I...". Amazing ears, right? Hahaha. Pero pakinggan n'yo `yong version na `yon ni Faith Hill (not the one similar to Janis' version). Thunder talaga, eh. So, `yon ang kasaysayan ng pangalan ni Thunder.

Ang mga writers mahilig maglagay ng mga favorite things, people, and places sa libro nila. Ang sa akin ay ang Leighman International Hotel at ang may-ari n'on—si Perry de Vera. May kuwento na actually sa akin si Perry, pero hilaw pa. Bakit ko siya paborito? `Cause he's my oldest hero. Hahaha. There's something about older men. As they say, they're like fine wine.

This book was returned once dahil masyadong bata iyong mga bida. Nang ma-approved siya ay ito na ang basehan ko sa kung ano ba ang standards ng PHR sa pagsuri ng nobela. Parang na-enlighten ako sa kung ano mang hinahanap nila sa isang libro. Mas naging pressured tuloy dahil baka ito na ang first and last novel ko.

Tulad nang usapan namin sa FB ng isang co-writer ko, paulit-ulit ko itong binasa noong nakakuha na ako ng copy. Gusto ko kasing maramdaman iyong nararamdaman ng isang reader sa pagbasa ng isang libro. I pretended not to know what the story was about, but I was still biased until the end. That made me sad. Not being able to read your own novel the way a first time reader would, I felt off-balanced for a while. May nakuha nga ako sa pagka-published ng libro ko, pero pakiramdam ko ay may nawala rin sa akin. :(

Tungkol sa dramatic part, may mga readers daw na naiyak. Mabuti naman dahil iniyakan ko rin ang ilang bahagi nito. Hahaha. Hindi ko akalaing kailangang mag-internalize. Akala ko mga artista lang ang gumagawa n'on. Writer din pala. At proud ako na maayos ang kinalabasan ng librong ito.

Sa mga tumangkilik sa first book ko, especially to a friend who purchased 50 copies to give away to her staff, I can't thank you guys enough. If this book had brought something significant to your lives, even for just a moment, consider that as another form of my gratitude. 

I hope I get back to Toulouse someday. Kyle, Celine's brother, has a story waiting, too. ;)

Yours Truly,

Olivette

Realizations of a Soon-to-Be-Published Romance Author

Romance is a lie.

An illusion that keeps the senses alive. 

The fools of this planet equate it with real love. I am a fool who refuses to be a fool. And so I struggle to promote real love, but even I got bored and confused. Curse of my humanity. I love and hate it at the same time.

I refuse to write a lie.

But this whole life is a lie; a place where you can find truth, but couldn't experience it fully. 

Truth is death.

And the hedonistic/sadistic human nature refuses it. It wants pain, just so it can revel in the pleasure. It wants to live. It thirsts for its humanity.

I want that pain.

And I don't.

But I have.

So, romance, let me write you. Let me be mad. Let me be human.